Dear Grown Children,
It is looking a lot like the years I remember growing up. Maybe worse. And it looks like it is going to get worse still. I didn't prepare you for that. I knew better. I was raised differently. But...we always had the idea that our children would have so much more than we did, as we had had so much more than our parents did, as they did in comparison to their parents before them. Well...the cycle was a cycle instead of a straight line forward, it seems. We have been warned of this. Years back, perhaps some ten years back, I heard it projected that our young people would be the first generation in a number that could not expect to do better than their parents did. I hoped it was a "gloom and doom" forecast. I didn't prepare you. Or myself. Now I wish I had listened to my upbringing. And like a typical mom, I have been trying to think how to "fix" my mistakes. I can't. I made the same ones myself and I am trying to "fix" my own too. But because I am a mom, here I go, trying to impart some wisdom. So this is what digging through my memories has brought to send to you:
1. "Keep your wagon in the clear". I heard my grandfather say it again and again. Good advice. I didn't do it, you didn't do it, and we are all trying now to GET the wagon in the clear. Bottom line...get everything you can paid off and don't incur more debt. My parents didn't live on credit. If they couldn't pay out front for it they didn't buy. They kept aside something for a rainy day, the day a tire went flat or they had an unexpected trip to the doctor's office. Do the same, a few dollars set aside every month you don't touch.
2. "Fold the aluminum foil". That is my symbol for using, reusing and not buying more. When I was a kid, my folks washed and folded the used aluminum foil. They stuck it in a drawer and when a piece was needed they reused, rewashed, refolded. They did it until it literally fell into tiny little glittering pieces. I have no idea how long a box of aluminum foil lasted that way, but I am sure they probably bought no more than one a year. Do the same with everything. My grandfather tied every scrap of twine to the end of a ball, rolled it up, and added to it. Same principle. Don't discard what can be used again.
3. "There are no Joneses". Once I asked my elderly aunts how they survived the harsh years of the 1930's. One looked at me quizzically and replied, "Well...we didn't try to keep up with the Joneses...weren't any Joneses." That is what we are coming back to now. Don't even try to keep up with the latest fads, the latest ploys media and advertisements try to tempt you with. Forget the Joneses. The only Joneses out there will be the ones who have humongous debt incurred and still incurring it and it is going to come to a heartbreaking halt sooner or later. Make do with what you have. My folks had the same furniture from the time I was a tot until I was grown. They didn't replace it. They took care of it. If something broke, you fixed it. You didn't go shopping for something else. Pride was taken not in having the newest trend on the market, but in having what you had paid for and taking care of it. In fact, there was a little bit of snobbery about folks that fell into the trap of "putting on the dog" in those days. Not smart, it was thought. THAT was true pride in those days. It needs to be again.
4. "There is more to managing money than making it." That was my father's mantra. And he followed it. Even as circumstances improved, he shopped for bargains. Every Saturday morning he did the grocery shopping and paid the bills. Every Saturday morning he sat at the kitchen table perusing the flyers that had come in the mail checking the bargains against his grocery list and clipping coupons. He did not clip them if he was not looking for a particular item. He made sure he was getting what he was needing only and at the best price. When he returned home my parents checked the receipt against the items to make sure each was rung up only one time and the correct price. That attitude ran through every single purchase made. His one "extravagance" was a new car every three years, primarily because he was not a mechanic and had to have a way to get to work that he knew would get him there. My parents paid cash for it, did not buy on credit. For three years saving for the next car was part of the budget...but when it happened, it was not a quick purchase. He would shop around, and wear down salesmen for months before he finally purchased. He did not include "extras" and bought only what he could afford after he was assured it was the best price he could get something "trustworthy" for, and "trustworthy" was the key...color or looks or sporty had no place in the decision.
5. "If you don't need it, it's not a bargain." Another of my parents' adages. Sales are tempting, a "good deal" is hard to turn down. But if you don't need it...is it really a bargain? Or did you just dig your hole deeper? I admit it, I have fallen into the same trap, but my parents' words are haunting me now and more than once I hear those words ringing in my head...and they are keeping me from temptation. Burn them into your own minds too.
6. "Fanning your drawers dry." My aunts used to laugh about how few clothes they had growing up, and how they often stood out on the back porch fanning a pair of fresh washed "drawers" dry so they would have a clean pair for the next day. It was a funny story and a funny image to think about. But there is some wisdom there too. Think about how small closets are in older houses. There is a good reason for that. A tiny closet was all a person needed. I grew up with three pairs of shoes at any one given time and I was luckier than many. There was a pair of "church shoes", a pair of "school shoes", and a pair of "play shoes" (which was school shoes gone ragged). The same for clothes. Luckier than most, I had an outfit for each day out in public, and a few outfits that I was to change into when I came home. That was it. There was never anything hanging in the closet that was not used and worn on a weekly basis. No spares, and no "I might wear that sometimes". I didn't feel poor. Everyone else in my world operated the same way. The entire time I grew up. I thought that was just how it was. What is more, if your shoe needed repair, you took it to the repair shop. You didn't run out and buy another pair. And most of my clothes were home made, because at that time it was cheaper to buy material and make clothes than to buy them "ready made"....I don't know if that is true still or not, but it was then, and whatever was the most practical was the way we lived. This may sound horrible...but it really wasn't. If that is the way everyone thinks...if they take pride in practicality then it is really a "rich" way to live, because you are proud you are doing what is the "right" thing to live. We lost that yardstick the last few generations. I am going back to it. I am fanning my "drawers dry". No more than what I need. It actually feels pretty good. I stick my tongue out at ads and media now. I feel a little like a kid who just found an escape route from a bully and he can't touch me any more!
7. "Never depend on more than one income." It sounds impossible now, this one. My father preached it. He swore when two people worked in a family only ONE income should be depended on to live, and a family should live within it. The other should be saved, said he. Why? Because then if something happened to one job, the family could still survive. Hmmm. Sounds impossible now days, huh? Might be. But there is still some wisdom in it. How about this? Never stretch what ever is coming in, two or one incomes, to the max so that every penny goes to pay bills. That is for sure cruising for downfall. Leave some breathing space.
8. "One can throw it out the back door quick as the other brings it in the front." Another of my dad's sermons. His point? It takes two to manage. Get on the same team, you and your spouse. One can't do it. If you want to be as sound as possible in this shaky economy make a pact together. Take pride in it. Look it over together, frequently. Pat one another on the back. Make it a thing of pride this teamwork of yours.
9. "Honesty is the best policy" and "A man's word is his bond". Because few of us have prepared for what is happening in our economy, many of us have incurred debt we can't now handle. Don't run from it. If you are to survive not just financially, but spiritually and emotionally, meet your mistakes head on. There is no shame in downsizing, in giving up what you have accumulated if what you are salvaging is your honesty and integrity. It isn't really yours until it is paid for anyway. Make honesty and integrity your greatest wealth, and give up what you can't afford to maintain. If you have incurred debt you can't handle, go to the creditor and offer them what you can on a manageable basis and stick to what you promised. Most will work with you. And don't incur more.
10. Which brings me to the last adage that will see us all through, "Have a little pride." I heard it all my life and used in various contexts. In the world of those generations, having a "little pride" meant: a) there was no shame in being poor, but shame in being unclean or "scruffy". You kept your home and person clean and neat, and that was a sign of wealth...in pride. b) there was no shame in being poor, but there was shame in not meeting one's word or honor. You did what you could when you said you would do it it, and if it took a lifetime to fulfill that obligation you took a lifetime, but you did it. It hurts to see my children having financial problems and frightened of this economy. I don't want it for you, but I am proud of you each time you learn to do without something you previously took for granted. I think of my own lessons...how I put myself through school without incurring any debt and had it paid for when I came out...I am proud that I did that. I don't know, looking back, HOW I did it...but I am very very proud of it. YOU will have that same pride one day, looking back at what you sacrificed to "have a little pride"...who am I to hurt over you learning that lesson? It is a valuable one, self sacrifice. And I am proud that you can be proud even if you have to hurt a little to get there. Yeah...."have a little pride"...and there is no shame in living poor as long as you have that.
Love,
Mom
