The last few years I have been soooo proud of myself. I finally felt like I "had it all together", was "aging gracefully", had "wisdom to go with my years". My daughters tell me I have "mellowed". My son says "don't take this wrong, Mom, but you are a whole lot nicer since you had cancer." Ummm. I liked to think I had learned what was important and what was not, learned to slow down and appreciate, learned not to get excited or upset. I was pretty proud of myself.
Well...that was before...you know...
The last time I experienced anything like this I was about eight months pregnant. That would be nearly thirty years ago. So don't get the idea I was preggos...fat chance of that...no pun intended.
Two days ago a half dozen little fists were pounding at the back of my eyeballs and tears were streaming down my face. A lump the size of a grapefruit was blocking my throat and the screams were bottled up behind it but fast escaping around the edges. In short I was on a crying jag and having a Monster Meltdown.
In the last few days...oh, may as well tell the truth...in the last few SECONDS:
*I have been mad at answering machines in general and government facilities using automated non-voices in specific. No. Scratch that. I have been LIVID.
*I have totally forgotten why I was trying to call in the first place. Who?
*I have giggled ecstatically over finding a CHOCOLATE bar.
*I have had a good cry over the fact that I cannot rip the paper off the chocolate bar like a normal person with my teeth. I don't have any on the bottom and no way of obtaining any (I had oral cancer, a prosthesis won't work, nor will a "denture plate")....my mother always said my mouth would be my downfall. At any rate I couldn't rip the chocolate bar open with my teeth and I could not find a knife. It was definitely a reason to boo hoo. So I did.
In short, pick a channel. ANY channel, and if I am the show you can see horror, sitcom, comedy and the food channel all in the space of a few seconds. I am a regular Dish Network.
